Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Stress can be a frustrating feeling for you, as you like to feel powerful and in control. As Jupiter enters your path, you may find yourself in a bizarre room in a popular primary colour. Go with it; just make sure you have a safe word. Your grey day this month is May 29th.

You share your sign with Jamie Dornan.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Your friends may think they have a big workload, but they don’t know what a big workload is. Your workload is huge, it’s enormous. If you start to feel stressed, avoid all responsibilities and head out to the TRUMP™ golf course for a few relaxing rounds. Your lucky day this month is May 29th, but really, every day it’s lucky to be you.

You share your sign with Donald Trump.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
If you ever feel like you have no idea what you’re doing when you start an assignment, don’t stress; you’re not alone on this one. Sometimes it may even seem like it’s a mission impossible, but deep down you know you have ALL the answers. If it all becomes too much, this may be the perfect time for physical activity, possibly in the form of manic and unexpected jumping in inappropriate places. The stars suggest money will come your way on May 29th, so make sure to ask everyone to show you the money.

You share your sign with Tom Cruise.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Chances are you have recently gone through a difficult break up, and as Venus moves into orbit, you are probably enjoying life far more than your ex. Try not to forget about your responsibilities this busy month. You are likely to have a clash of opinions soon with a strong-willed Gemini, but don’t let this affect your good mood. Your lucky day this month is May 29th.

You share your sign with Barack Obama.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
You should stop looking in the mirror and asking how can you change your ways, and instead focus your energies on building closer relationships. If there is someone in your life called Annie, the stars suggest you should make sure they are okay. Remember when working on your final assessments, it doesn’t matter if you’re black or white, as long as you have a good reference list. May 29th will be a thriller of a day for you this month.

You share your sign with Michael Jackson.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)
With exam period approaching, you may begin to feel stressed or deflated. To combat this, you should take off your shoes, walk outside, and bury your feet in the dirt. Make sure you follow this routine every day, to reconnect your body to the energy of Mother Earth. Your Zen day this month is May 29th.

You share your sign with Gwyneth Paltrow.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
University can be a stressful time, and sometimes we can forget to take care of our bodies. If all this studying is making you feel drained, head out into the sunshine, lay down butt-naked in your backyard, and spread eagle in the grass to get some vitamin D. The stars show a sunny day for you on May 29th, so take advantage of it!

You share your sign with Shailene Woodley.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Don’t let yourself get too overwhelmed this month; this isn’t 2007, you can handle it. When in doubt, put on your favourite NSYNC tune, lip-sync to your hearts content, and make sure no-one videos your actual singing. May 29th may be a bit of a circus for you, so make sure you don’t become a slave to anyone.

You share your sign with Britney Spears.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
You may think you’re the King of studying, but when it comes to group work you need a little less conversation and a little more action. Your Aries friends may be struggling this month, so make sure to say thank you, thank you very much. Your lucky day this month is May 29th, uh huh.

You share your sign with Elvis Presley.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Don’t let your ego get in the way of your studies, otherwise you may find your assignments turning into monstrosities. Make sure to always put your best foot forward, and allow yourself to be a part of a team. Your winning day this month is May 29th, but do you ever really lose?

You share your sign with Cristiano Ronaldo.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Two things are infinite: the universe, and human stupidity. If it seems like all your theories aren’t adding to shit, take a step back and remember, Keep It Simple Stupid. Allow yourself to be curious this month, but as Venus passes by, maybe don’t be too curious with an overly eager Aries. Your most knowledgeable day this month is May 29th.

You share your sign with Albert Einstein.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Your passionate nature may cause you to act like a beast this week, so make sure to be careful around any Scorpios. You have always strived to be at the top of your class, but don’t let this ambition distract you from the magic around your world. Your unlucky day this month is May 29th.

You share your sign with Emma Watson.


By Kelly Munro

Kelly Munro is an accomplished astronaut, who totally knows the difference between astronomy and astrology and didn’t just make this up as she went along.