Love Guru

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Hello Love Guru!

I’ve been out as polyamorous long term but my partner is mostly monogamous. They have allowed room for some sexual encounters but as a demi-sexual, the openings I have been allowed feel like an empty gesture given they know my sexual orientation. What advice would you offer me or my partner to reduce the impact of this difference between us? Thanks, BP.

Hi BP, Sex isn’t the sole core of relationships, so don’t let the sexual frustrations get in the way of the glitter and joy. Who cares if sexual encounters don’t appeal to you – there are plenty of other things to make the feeling burn. I remember me and my partner travelling to Europe last year, and despite not being able to do anything spicy in backpacker’s hostels where there were others around 24/7, our relationship grew and was the best time of our life, better than any sex we had!


Dear Jesse (The Love Guru)

I’ve been friends with a guy for a while and have recently told him that I like him. He replied that he’d rather stay friends for now, and we will see what happens in the future… Is he putting me on the backburner or does he need some time to figure out if he wants a relationship? Thanks. Yours sincerely, Ally

Hi Ally, He could be unsure what he wants, or his heart is still in the wild unready to settle down yet. Don’t let that get the best of you, I mean, you’ll rather have him truly love you back than be with you as though it was some kind of duty. In the mean time, spend more time with him, and let him realise that
if he was to make a choice, you would be the best one. Don’t give up on him, keep the conversations going, and soon, you’ll get to his heart. Regards, Jesse

Dear Love Guru

I’ve been in a relationship for a little over three years now, and we’re still really happy. I’m also attracted to girls, and while he’s completely fine with that I feel like maybe he doesn’t take it all that seriously? It’s not that I want him to feel jealous about everyone I talk to, but I know that he’s more concerned about the thought of me around other guys than he is at that thought of me around girls. I’m obviously not looking to leave him for a girl (or a guy) but is it silly of me to feel a bit upset that he doesn’t treat the two the same?

Hi _____, If the relationship is going strong, little things like this shouldn’t matter. Even if he is more jealous when you’re with one sex more than the other, would it really impact your relationship? Instead of digging around the dirt with this unhealthy afterthought, take the time to improve the relationship so that he has no reason to be jealous.

Hi Jesse,
This last semester I had a huge crush on someone in one of my tutorials, I asked for their help with studying for the exam kind of just to spend time with them…but now the semester is over and I don’t know how to talk to her??? Help!
Hi _____, One thing I’ve realised is that problems are part of life. When an issue gets untangled, new knots come in like a vicious circle. It would be reasonable that she – and perhaps you – would have new dilemmas to face. Is your GPA high enough? Should you take a gap year? Try these topics with her, and once the conversation gets going, use the opportunity to invite her for coffee. After a few sips, you can be sure you both share more similarities than you’ve first thought and maybe we’ll see some magic happen too.

Love Guru,
I have no idea what to get my partner for Christmas! We said no big expensive gifts this year but I’m really drawing a blank…

Hi _______, Don’t let the commercialisation of Christmas get to you. The season of giving is not valued by how high the number is on the price tag; but how much heart you have put into it.
A homemade dinner or even a date stroll to the park may sound cheap, but that is something money cannot buy – and cannot be given to your partner by anyone else except you. Now, what a present would that be!