I was feeling okay about chemistry till I got to this sentence in the practical brief.
‘Volumetric analysis determines the number of moles present in an aliquot of an analyte by a stoichiometric reaction’.
Cue blinking in disbelief and several Google searches to determine if this was actually English, and if so, what it means.
Let’s see: Volumetric analysis (the name of the experiment I’m doing) determines the number of moles (it’s a molecular thing, about the number of molecules in an element or something, measured in “moles” – hopefully I eventually know what that means) present in an aliquot (part of a whole – literally a PART) of an analyte (the substance whose chemical properties I’m finding) by a stoichiometric reaction (equivalent – the ratio between substances is enough to cause a reaction). I think? I get it, but I don’t.
Essentially: This experiment finds out how many moles are in this unknown substance by mixing it with something else until it reacts.
That was the second sentence.
There’s 14 pages in this document.
I won’t even mention the maths.
Oooh, new term, new subject outlines. Let’s have a squiz.
Using a minimum of 15 references, write an essay outlining how you would use reproductive strategies to manage a selected species. 3000 words.
Well.
Well, damn.
15 references. Man, I struggle finding five. And then I have to actually read them. And a selected species? What if I get a bad one, and I have to write 3000 words on some fly? (Spoiler from the future: I did indeed get a fly. But it was flesh, so that was cool.)
Eh, it’s due in week 10. Plenty of time to forget about it, then remember too early, then forget until the week before it’s due (if I’m lucky, of course.)
Okay, what else do we have?
Three mini reports due in weeks 2 – 4. 500 words.
Okay. I have the time management skills of a wet towel, but okay. This can be done. I can do this. I’ll just allocate time straight after the class (yeah, right). This semester I am determined to get things done on time. New year, new term, new me. And this year will actually be the year. I mean, week 2 seems a bit early for me to get my act together, but I guess.
(If I must).
(Maybe).
Minimum of 5 references for each mini report. Minimum 10 references for the major report.
WHAT.
Major report? 10 references? Mcscuse me, but it does not say – oh. Ooh. I missed a section. My bad. The window was too small.
Major report due in week 6. 3000 words. Full practical report written as a journal paper.
Um.
Now we have a problem. What does a practical report look like? What does a full practical report look like? And a journal paper? How do you write one of them? What even is that? And is it a practical report, or a journal paper? Wait, what does the rubric say.
Oh great, now it’s also a scientific paper.
You know what, it’s really too early to be looking at rubrics. Don’t want to stress myself out before term even starts, y’know? Besides, I’ve got plenty of time. Like a week or something. No rush.
Plenty of time.
…
Oh damn. I forgot to read the textbook chapter.
Should I skim last week’s chapter or this week’s? I really need to track down Biology for Dummies, because I have no idea what’s happening here.
Oh no, they’ve started talking. She’ll be right.
…
Why are they talking about cell formation like everyone knows what it is. I mean, maybe they do. But I don’t. I only know that mitochondria (whatever that is) is the powerhouse of the cell.
Why are they talking about this like its common knowledge, like it’s a bloody refresher.
I think I’m lost.
No, no. I am lost.
Why are these 12-year-olds smarter than me?
Why is there maths now? Why are we square rooting? How do you square root words?
I’m just gonna write everything down and hope for the best.
I’m sure it’ll make sense when I read that textbook chapter. Or maybe last week’s.
…
I need to learn the rules of Scrabble, ‘cause man will I demolish those points.
Chemolithoheterotroph. Tracheophyte. Rhizobuim. Hemoglobin. Proteobacteria. Mycorrhizae.
BEAT ME NOW.
…
“What do you study?”
“Zoology and animal science.”
“Wow, that sounds so fun!”
“Yeah, it really is!” I have to learn the anatomy of a cell by tomorrow. I should’ve stayed in journalism.
“So what’s the difference between the two?”
I have no idea. “Well, um, animal science is more the mechanics of the animals? And how they work? Like, internally? And zoology is more the bigger picture, how they interact with, like, each other and the environment and stuff?”
“So, you could be like a zookeeper? Or a vet?”
…Really? That’s not all there is, y’know.
“Yeah, with further study. I don’t really want to do either, though.”
“Oh, what do you want to do? What else is there?”
I’ve been asking that question for 2 years now. Uhh…
“Oh, there’s like, research… and, um, stuff. So, uh, what about you? What do you study?!”
I chose this degree. I chose this.
…
Hey, it’s the 11th of February- International Day of Women and Girls in Science.
Cool, now I can post that selfie of me in my lab coat.
#achievers.
