i regret to inform
i’m running out of time.
it’s partly cloudy, with a chance of a storm.
i never spoke about the future,
because i didn’t plan on having one.
i’m no longer eighteen, i’m turning twenty-one.
i write letters i don’t send;
they pile up in my room
next to doctors’ referrals, i never go to.
i fear i’ve lost my true meaning,
how absurd.
i came here hoping for a reason to stay
but i never learned
so i prepare safe answers:
i’m fine. i’m okay. thank you.
how was your day?
i say them to every person i meet,
but the truth is— this is all scaring me.
i regret to inform you
that im still running out of time
the date has been circled
it’s been there since i was nine
because every time i reach for the stars
they are always out of sight
i continue to pat myself on the back
and tell myself its alright
i dream of exits i never take
and doorways that disappear
every time i think of changing—
i’m paralysed by fear
so i’ve started leaning on
maladaptive ways to cope.
and i regret to inform you
i’m on the bathroom floor,
clutching pills in my hand
while my friends bang on the door and outside, it’s still
partly cloudy,
with a chance of a storm.
Rani Sirris is a 21-year-old Western student and a multi-talented creative. She has published several of her works, from poetry to zines, in places like the University of Sydney’s literary magazines and in online publications Hikari Zine, The Passionate Poet and Fortunato Magazine.
Her work has also been published in a zine based in Bandung, Indonesia, called “would it have killed you to explain”. As of 2024, Sirris became a self-published author, her debut book named “heartbreak and sleepless nights”. To see more of her, follow her on Instagram @heartbreakandsleeplessnights_
If you or anyone you know needs help:
- Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467
- Lifeline on 13 11 14
- Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander crisis support line 13YARN on 13 92 76
- Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800
- Beyond Blue on 1300 224 636
- Headspace on 1800 650 890
- MensLine Australia on 1300 789 978
